The Londonist

A few weeks ago, I received an email from the Londonist for whatever reason. I didn't sign up to be on any mailing list, but I received it. I usually delete random emails without even glancing at their title, but this one caught my eye as it was titled: Things To Do In London Today.

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It was a Friday, so I was very interested in what the Londonist had to say... and if it was legit. So I opened the email and read through the list. It is sort of an insider list of things to do. It assumes that you want to do fun, cheap, unique activities. Things like playing croquet in a park, rollerskating around town, music performances, art galleries, beer festivals, etc. At some point, I just might run out of something to do on a weekend, and this email will help, so I signed up to receive these emails daily at 7am (which is the only option).

I am only really interested in reading the email on days when both Luke and I are available to hang out, but I still open the email daily for two reasons: 1.) read the Random Little Things You Didn't Know About Londonist, and 2.) read the weather forecast. Y'all know me and random facts, so of course I have to read those (see below for one from an email). The weather forecasts are pretty funny! Luke and I joke (and I am sure many others that live in Britain do as well) about how it is pointless to check the weather everyday because it changes so rapidly. Amazingly, London DOES have better weather than Aberdeen (from what I remember from last summer). Anyway, here are some of my favorite weather forecasts from the Londonist:

That flighty rapscallion the Sun should make a number of cameos today, playing a game of now-you-see-me-now-you-don’t with the clouds. These periodic intrusions should be enough to lift the temperature to a giddy 20°C. Watch out, though, Friday night drinkers: rain is forecast for the very minute you decide to down tools and head to the pub.

A morning of unwelcome cloudpukes is followed by an afternoon of dry but grey malaise. Get updates on the weather throughout the day by going to a window and looking out of it, or perhaps stepping outside and gazing upwards, ignoring the buildings in the foreground and concentrating on the endless void between them.

It is our unrelenting mission to improve the accuracy of the Londonist weather forecast. To that end, we snuckled into the Met Office over the weekend to see how the professionals source their information. Well, gentle reader, you would be alarmed and appalled to see the jerry-rigged weather-forecasting tools they employ. On Helen Willetts’ desk we found an ‘average temperature indicator’ which seemed to be little more than a set of Yahtzee dice. Nina Ridge had adapted the old game of ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ to ascertain wind direction. John Hammond’s desk was empty, save for a sign saying “Gone to consult the haruspex”, whatever that means. Honestly, we’d advise you to ignore this bunch of charlatans and rely upon us for your forecasting needs. To that end, it’s going to mostly pissy today, with lots of wet everywhere. Or so our tarot reading tells us. If, like us, you spent the weekend hurling brickbats, bellowing threats and weaving hexes at the terrifying yellow visitation lately menacing the skies of London, then please stand down. It is not a witch. Nor yet a maleficent spirit of any description. We are advised that this so-called sun is an object for praise. Further, it will linger over our city for some time yet. We embrace its balmy ways into our pantheon and commend its glow unto your very thrall. In summary: sunny; buy an ice cream.

Picture the sun, at a party with some other suns. He’d like to chill, but he can’t. He’s the sun. But suddenly Feelin’ Hot Hot Hot comes on the stereo. The sun, and the other suns, form a line, parading through the party in a quasi-stellar version of the conga, feelin’ hot, hot, hot. That’s what the forecast looks like for the next few days.

I have come to realize that many places have unpredictable weather. Do you know of somewhere where the weather is always perfect and always predictable?

LONDONIST RANDOM FACT:
"We once wrote a book. It’s true. Back in 2006, we put together The London Collection, a kind of trivia guide to the capital, with plenty of nuggets you won’t find in other such books. Only one of the five authors still writes for Londonist, and he contributed under pseudonym. Hence, nobody really knows about it. After receiving rave reviews (“A joy”, “daft but diverting bog literature”…), it disappeared with little trace. You can still get it from Amazon."